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An Australian company believes that affluent couples in Redmond are so tired of being forced to sit among the hoi polloi that they'll be willing to shell out $35 a ticket at the new Village Roadshow Gold Class Theater opening in Redmond Town Center. Each of the complex's eight theaters has only forty seats, arranged in pairs and equipped with call buttons for service from the theater's gourmet restaurant and bar. Valet parking is, of course, included.

The division of the world into coach / first class continues.

Comments (5) | last by Ellen Beeman, Apr 5, 5:02 AM

Caramel Cone for Everyone!

You only live once, and the "Rolls Royce" of studies has now determined that we might as well do so with a pint of Haagen Dazs strapped to our chins.

Official Mascot?

An Australian man built up a 40,000 volt charge of static electricity in his clothing as he walked, enough to ignite a carpet and just shy of spontaneous combustion. This is the first time I've seen one of these bizarre stories happen in a first world country and not some backwater village in Mongolia, where news sources might be more suspect. Of course, The Weekly World News is headquartered in Florida so there goes that theory.

Drowning at the River

I'm swamped with poker. The new television season is upon us, and my Tivo is still crammed with dozens of hours of cards-- World Poker Tour, World Series of Poker, Celebrity Poker Showdown, Ultimate Poker Challenge-- at this point, I've watched far more poker than I've played. But wait, there's more. Harrah's-- who bought both Binion's Horseshoe and the World Series of Poker name last year-- has announced they're starting a new World Series of Poker Circuit of seven televised tournaments, competing head-on with the World Poker Tour. Players will earn points as well as cash, with the high-ranking players earning seats at the Main Event (which will be held at both the Rio and Binion's next year, to accommodate the expected 5,000 players).

In my ideal universe, we'd have a World Pinball Tour. But I don't think the pinball-cam would be very popular.

Comment (1) | last by Jack, Sep 21, 10:04 AM

Credit what you will-- the explosion of televised events like Travel Channel's World Poker Tour or Bravo's Celebrity Poker Showdown, or the Cinderella story of Chris Moneymaker's Internet-to-bracelet $2.5 million victory at last year's event-- but participation in this year's World Series of Poker has exploded. Moneymaker triumphed over a field of 839 contestants last year, but that number has more than tripled as Binion's hosts 2,576 players this week, with a record top prize of $5 million. Second place must make do with a mere $3.5 million.

But don't look for a repeat victory from last year's champ. Moneymaker got knocked out on day one after only 3 hours of play.

47.36%

Someone should tell this guy that the wheel isn't all red and black.

And what's with this guy not getting paid by Sky? If he was smart, he'd have gotten them to pony up some more money for his wager and really put it all on the line.

Comments (5) | last by Scott Hardie, Apr 11, 4:51 PM

It's official: the phone game's back for the upcoming Super Millionaire. If you want to be a contestant, call 1-800-999-7878 between 7PM and 3AM (Eastern time) from Feb. 16 through Feb. 24. One call per day. If you correctly answer five questions, you must select a tape date which enters you into a random drawing for that tape date. Once you're in a tape date drawing, you are ineligible for any other tape date. In other words, once you get 5 questions correct in a phone call, you're done-- don't bother calling again.

Ten people will be randomly selected from the pool of qualifiers for each tape date, and they'll all be flown to New York with a friend to compete at Fastest Fingers for a chance to sit in the hotseat and win up to $10 million.

Boo-frickin'-ya, baby.

Sadly, as expected, past hot seat players are ineligible. But that's no excuse for the rest of you. Good luck!

Fox Signs Marlee Matlin

New York - Today Fox Sports announced that they've signed deaf actress Marlee Matlin as the latest addition to their team of football commentators. Matlin will provide color commentary off-camera during all Fox Sports football broadcasts. "We saw what happened with Rush Limbaugh and Dennis Miller on the other networks," explained Fox Sports vice president Lou D'Ermilio. "They annoyed fans with their controversial remarks. With Marlee, we figure we're safe."

Microsoft Sued For Wasted Time

Redmond, WA - Microsoft Corporation's legal woes continued today as it was hit with a new class action lawsuit. The suit, filed by Richard Feder of Fort Lee, NJ on behalf of American office workers, seeks restitution for thousands of hours he alleges were wasted due to the company's Powerpoint product. "Managers put slides up on the screen, then spend the next hour reading them aloud," Lee said. "I could read them myself in five minutes. Instead, an hour of my life gets sucked away. That's an hour I'll never get back, and I deserve compensation for it." Co-plaintiff Gregory Mallin expressed anger at the software giant. "I've got a whole set of bullet points for those Redmond bigwigs, and they're all .44 caliber."

Although Microsoft does not schedule or run the meetings of its software's users, attorney Barbara Miller argued that they should be held accountable. "The precedent has been established by the RIAA case against Napster," she explained. "Microsoft is fully aware of how its Powerpoint software is used, yet it continues to knowingly supply that software to poorly-trained public speakers who waste the time of tens of thousands of people every day. That makes Microsoft just as culpable as the time-wasters themselves."

In a separate statement, Microsoft announced that the forthcoming Powerpoint 2003 will no longer support data projectors. "If the slides aren't projected in front of the group, listeners can focus on what speakers are saying instead of reading ahead and losing interest. We're very excited about this feature and believe it will revolutionize the modern meeting."

Comments (4) | last by Mark Lambert, Sep 18, 11:11 AM

From Variety:

[WB Entertainment president Jordan Levin] said he expects an actual war to be "anticlimactic," arguing that the public has already experienced "the most prolonged foreplay we've seen since Ross and Rachel on 'Friends."'

Comments (2) | last by Gary Zielinski, May 16, 8:36 PM