September 23, 2007

Tasteless Yet Poetic Justice?

Legendary mime Marcel Marceau has died. Now he really will be trapped in a box.

Posted by Peter at 09:05 PM | Comments (2)

Tasteless Yet Poetic Justice?

Legendary mime Marcel Marceau has died. Now he really will be trapped in a box.

Posted by Peter at 09:05 PM | Comments (2)

September 19, 2006

Avast, Ye Scurvy Dogs!

Yarrrrrr!

Posted by Peter at 02:03 PM | Comments (0)

August 09, 2006

Who Wants to Audition To Be a Millionaire?

Who Wants to Be a Millionaire is holding Seattle-area auditions this Friday in the Everett Mall from 9 AM to 4 PM. Obviously, I'm a big advocate of showing up and taking your shot-- it could be worth big bucks. Remember, passing the test is actually the least important part of the audition. If you pass, spend time on the questionaire they give you-- don't rush to be the first one done. You are, in effect, selling yourself to the producers not just as a potential contestant, but as a potential interview subject for Meredith. Use the questionaire to showcase what's interesting and different about you that would make for a fun conversation in the hot seat. And when you talk to the producers, be friendly, enthusiastic, and coherent. Put yourself in their place, imagine what kind of people you'd pick if you had their job, and let that guide you.

Oh, and get there early-- like 7 AM.

Audition details can be found on the Millionaire web site.

Posted by Peter at 01:16 PM | Comments (1)

July 20, 2006

An Argument For Screening Calls

You know Joel Siegel? Short guy, bushy mustache, reviews movies, likes the dopey pun? Yeah, that Joel Siegel. He's been reviewing movies for almost three decades, and apparently he's never walked out on a film. Until now. Not only did Siegel walk out of a critics' screening of Kevin Smith's new film Clerks II, but he did so vocally. Smith took Siegel to task on his blog for being non-professional, and went on a radio show to discuss it. The show called Siegel, and miracle of miracles he actually took the call to discussed the issue-- giving his publicist a new ulcer, I'm sure. Listen to the clip and marvel at a man in denial.

Posted by Peter at 04:26 PM | Comments (0)

July 11, 2006

Story Power

If you've ever doubted the power of a good story, this will change your mind. A 26-year-old guy from Montreal wanted to get out of apartment life and start living in a house. But with no money and no job, his prospects were limited. All he had was one red paper clip. He decided that would be enough, and through a blog, Craig's List, and media exposure he never sought, he managed to make fourteen trades in one year and today finally parlayed that paper clip into a house in Kipling, Saskatchewan along with a key to the town. Along the way he hung out with Corbin Bernsen and rocked with Alice Cooper. And a big part of how he got good trades was that people wanted to be part of the story. Although, admittedly, the Corbin Bernsen connection was a stroke of amazingly good fortune.

And if you think that's good, you should check this out. A 21-year-old British college student managed to sell one million pixels of his home page, in blocks of 100, for a dollar a pixel. In less than a year. All because of the audacity of his idea and the power of the story.

Something for nothing-- it's the American Dream. And neither of them are even from America.

Posted by Peter at 12:57 PM | Comments (0)

April 24, 2006

We All Scream

Tomorrow (Tuesday) is Free Cone Day at your local Ben & Jerry's. They may not offer Caramel Cone, but the price is right!

Posted by Peter at 02:35 PM | Comments (1)

January 25, 2006

The Jury Has Spoken

A jury found original Survivor winner Richard Hatch guilty of tax evasion today after only a day of deliberation. His defense strategy sounds like it was plucked from the bottom of a cereal box. In the media, he claimed that producers offered to pay his taxes for him in exchange for his silence upon discovering that other contestants were getting food snuck in, against the rules. It's not unlikely that cameramen in the first season were on a loose leash and dropped candy bars or other munchies in the path of players they liked, although Hatch's fellow players deny that any cheating went on. But the jury never heard about the supposed deal, because he never testified to it in court and his attorney never asked producer Mark Burnett about it during the trial. Instead, Hatch's ingenious defense boiled down to this: "I'm the world's worst bookkeeper."

I'm no Ernst or Young. I rely on Turbotax every April. But when I got my TV show windfall, I forked over the government's share. I wasn't sure if the producers would withhold my taxes or not, but when a check arrived for the full quarter million it didn't take a genius to realize I'd be writing a fat check of my own to the IRS.

There's no way he could have honestly believed his taxes had been taken care of by the network. And even if I believed he was being truthful on that count, there's the little matter of the taxes he didn't pay on the over $300,000 he earned for hosting a radio show. Did he think CBS was picking up the tab there, too? And the charity money he spent on home improvements was just an indictment waiting to happen.

Hatch isn't stupid, so this whole situation baffles me. How did he possibly think he'd get away with it? He was so cocky, he rejected a plea bargain agreement last year to take the case to trial. Apparently he forgot that all that money came to him as a result of becoming reality television's first break-out villain. A jury might well have let Rupert Boneham off the hook, but Hatch was dead meat.

Soon he'll be fresh meat.

Posted by Peter at 07:55 PM | Comments (1)

October 09, 2005

He's Going to Need a Fortress of Solitude

How the heck did I miss this little tidbit last week? Actor Nicolas Cage and his wife had a son last week and named him Kal-El-- Superman's name on his native planet of Krypton.

I'm going to repeat that.

Nicolas Cage has named his son Kal-El.

Nope, no less ridiculous the second time. Wouldn't it just be easier to name him Beatmeup? Sure, if he's a sports star in school, that name will rock. Cheerleaders will have a field day. But if he's not an athlete, the kid's entire childhood is going to be an unending nightmare. It's like Cage wants his son to grow up bitter and resentful. And those personalized kiddie bicycle license plates? Forget it.

Still, it could be worse. He could be Rob Morrow's daughter, Tu.

Posted by Peter at 03:52 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

June 22, 2005

Poster Child

Am I the only one who thinks the whole Tom Cruise / Katie Holmes thing is a little creepy, given that Katie Holmes has said she used to have Cruise's poster in her bedroom as a teenager and would lie in bed at night dreaming of marrying him someday? If I were Jimmy Carter, I might say Holmes had been stalking Cruise in her heart. Although I suppose it would be even creepier if Cruise had posters of Holmes in his bedroom. Though as we've established, that's none of my business.

Posted by Peter at 01:15 AM | Comments (4)

November 02, 2004

Advice

Dear Ann Landers,

I need advice about a friend of mine-- let's just call her U.S. She's been in an abusive four-year relationship with this guy. He's lied to her repeatedly, and because of him many of her old friends are no longer speaking to her. He's stubborn and prone to unprovoked violence. U.S. used to have a tidy nest egg in the bank, but shortly after coming into her life he somehow managed to not only spend it all but run up a huge debt to boot! He treats her like she's an idiot, but she only hears what she wants to hear. He's no good for her, but she just can't see it.

Lately she's been checking out a new guy. I don't think this new guy is right for her either, but she'd definitely be trading up. I was sure she was going to dump her old man tonight for him, but she got cold feet and now it looks like she's going to stay in this unhealthy relationship. I hate who she's become since hooking up with him. What can I do?

Sincerely,
Chad in Blue


Dear Chad,

I hear Vancouver is lovely.

Best wishes,
Ann

Posted by Peter at 11:32 PM | Comments (4)

September 08, 2004

Ken Jennings: When Will it End?

According to a blog report, it already has. Is it accurate? Time will tell.

Posted by Peter at 01:31 PM | Comments (2)

June 28, 2004

Dick Wolf Returns Sovereignty to NBC

BURBANK, CA - Television producer Dick Wolf today surprised industry experts by returning control of NBC back to its corporate executives, ending the decade-long occupation by his Law & Order franchise. "The time seemed right," Wolf told reporters. "When we first occupied NBC, its Must See TV was an enormous threat to the neighboring networks. With the termination of Friends and Frasier, NBC now threatens no other networks." Wolf went on to say that his many Law & Order series would remain on the schedule for the time being, to help ease the transition.
Posted by Peter at 03:00 PM | Comments (1)

June 01, 2004

Avoid Boardgames.About.Com

If, like me, you wanted to avoid knowing the outcome of the World Series of Poker until it's broadcast on ESPN later this year, do NOT visit Boardgames.About.Com or look at its RSS/XML feed in your aggregator. The headline of one of its news items reveals the winner.

Shame on you, Erik.

Posted by Peter at 12:47 PM | Comments (11)

January 31, 2004

Call a Spade a Spade

Critics across the country and on both sides of the aisle, including a noted TV chef, are criticizing Georgia for their new proposal to remove the word "evolution" from the state science curriculum and replace it with the phrase "biological changes over time". I think they've got it backwards. I applaud the progressive thinkers in Georgia for their effort to demystify controversial terms and eliminate buzzwords. In fact, I think they should go even further.

Other terms they should eliminate, and their replacements:

  • abortion → parasite removal
  • affirmative action → favored treatment based on skin color
  • war on terrorism → PR campaign to legitimize reduction of American civil rights and vendetta against the man who tried to kill the President's dad
  • global warming → destruction of Earth's ecosystem through human arrogance, indifference, and greed
  • Bible → book of questionable provenance used to justify the imposition of a particular belief system on others
  • gravity → why things fall and go boom
  • Vin Diesel → proof that talent is not required for success
  • Oreo Blizzard → heaven in a cup
  • TiVo → our lord and master

Posted by Peter at 08:07 PM | Comments (12)

December 29, 2003

We Know to Take Precautions with Menorahs

Today a fire caused by Christmas lights destroyed a Capitol Hill rental home which, until he and his family moved to the D.C. area a couple of years ago, used to be the residence of my friend Russell.

Moral of the story: it's safer to rent to Jews.

Posted by Peter at 06:00 PM | Comments (3)

October 08, 2003

Crossword Alert

My third published crossword puzzle-- and my favorite so far-- appears in today's issue of The New York Times. Run to your newsstand now!

Posted by Peter at 03:08 PM | Comments (4)

September 06, 2003

Just Shoot Me

First the tooth fairy. Then Santa Claus. Now the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Any illusion that getting a star there has anything to do with talent has been irrevocably shattered.

Posted by Peter at 04:42 PM | Comments (2)

September 04, 2003

Millionaire Auditions in Seattle

Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? will be holding free auditions in Seattle at the KOMO building in Fisher Plaza on Friday, September 19th from 9AM-1PM. Only the first 800 people to arrive will be allowed to audition (I arrived around 7:20 AM last year, and was #201 in line).

Obviously, I recommend this to everyone-- my one audition was well worth the time invested. Even if I hadn't gotten on the show, it was a fun experience. And if you do get on, it's free money.

More details are available at KOMO's web site. Good luck!

Posted by Peter at 06:46 PM | Comments (14)

June 27, 2003

My Heart!

Observation: The Supreme Court overturned anti-sodomy laws and affirmed adults' rights to privacy in the bedroom, and a few hours later Strom Thurmond died. Draw your own conclusions.

Posted by Peter at 11:06 AM | Comments (2)

May 14, 2003

Thou Shalt Not Pop

The world's first inflatable church opened this week at an exhibition in London. The church can be inflated in 3 hours and houses sixty people-- 12 on the plastic pews, the rest on the floor. There has been no word on whether the church will be deployed in the Boston area, and if so, if it will be equipped with inflatable altar boys.

Posted by Peter at 12:11 PM | Comments (1)

May 02, 2003

Faster Than Ipecac

Cedar Point, the amusement park which is to rollercoaster enthusiasts what Michael Jackson is to tabloid reporters, today unveiled their newest "stratacoaster". Top Thrill Dragster is the world's tallest (420 feet) and fastest (120 mph) coaster. A hydraulic system launches cars from 0 to 120 in 4 seconds, sending them straight up 420 feet, over a hill, and then straight down.

Let me repeat that. STRAIGHT down. As in a 90 degree angle.

The whole digestive purge takes just seventeen seconds.

Meanwhile, Six Flags Enchanted Village later this month will unveil the Timberhawk, the biggest coaster in Washington State which moves at the reed-bending speed of 50 mph-- more proof that Ohio has the Pacific Northwest way outclassed when it comes to disgorging stomach contents in public.

Posted by Peter at 04:17 PM | Comments (2)