Recently in Children Category
October 8, 2012
Lost Boy
July 25, 2012
I'm Baaaa-ack!

September 18, 2010
Surviving
Right about now is when you'd usually come to Static Zombie and find a witty, insightful post about the new season of Survivor. Something about the new twist this season and Mark Burnett's ongoing deal with the Devil.
Sorry to disappoint.
The new season's begun, but I haven't had a chance to watch it yet. Worse, I'm not really sure when I'll get there. That's because I'm engaged in an entirely different season of Survivor. No immunities, but plenty of challenges. Meals are made up of whatever can be scrounged up. Sleep is difficult, interrupted by the hungry wailing of local fauna. It's Survivor: Parenthood. And here's the most adorable immunity idol you'll ever see:
This season will run much longer than 39 days, but it's already the best season ever.
April 5, 2010
Static Zombie: The Next Generation
My wife and I are expecting a baby in early September.
We are, of course, very excited. Tinged with a whiff of terror about losing our independence. You know that crazy, wide-eyed look a horse gets when Something Terrible is coming and it desperately pulls at its tether to run to safety, towards freedom? All completely normal.
She wants to make sure the child gets outdoors, plays sports, socializes with other kids. I want to make sure the child understands that brick and lumber are the most important things in the early game, that no problem is so horrible that it can't be solved by reversing the polarity of the neutron flow, that good knife skills are more important than good penmanship, and that the ancient wizards were absolutely correct: words have power. She wants to limit the child's screen time; I plan to lull the child to sleep with the gentle vibration of the 360 controller's rumble.
We're both agreed that the child will learn to eat what we put in front of it. Soda will not be part of the child's normal diet. The child will learn to save money at a young age. Barbie and Bratz are forbidden, but bring on the Lego. TV shows that are just extended commercials for toys are off limits (unless the show or toy is really cool). Bedtime might be extended to the end of the next chapter. Daddy's board games are not to be touched without permission. Even if my wife and I disagree, we will present a unified front to the child. Except just this once-- but don't tell mommy. Our child will be the first of its friends to have a computer, but the last to get a cell phone. We will perpetuate the white lies that bring joy to childhood-- the Tooth Fairy and her ilk-- but will otherwise tell our child the truth. We will encourage our child to ask questions and find answers.
We will support our child, but not stifle it. We will raise a child we can trust, and we will trust it. We will set good examples for our child, and in so doing become better people, so that our child will be a good person. We will love our child, and it will know it is loved, always.
But first, there will be poop. Lots and lots of poop.