Static Zombie

Who Wants to Be a Superhero?

Unless they're distributing flight belts to the winners of this one, I'm positive that I appeared on the right "Who Wants to Be a" show. Fortunately for creator and host Stan Lee, there's no shortage of attention-starved media whores willing to don spandex and make utter fools of themselves to gain a brief national spotlight. Who Wants to Be a Superhero? is a show strangely at odds with itself. In its opening minutes we're treated to a freak show of oddballs with absurd make-believe powers, auditioning in a star-chamber-like hall where Stan Lee grills them from a giant plasma screen. Even he doesn't want to be physically near these people, and in fact borrows this page from John Forsythe's book throughout the show, appearing only on flatscreens and communicators, never in person, as if he couldn't be bothered to actually travel to the set of his own television show.

Before long we're introduced to the contestants, many of whom come off as actors desperate for exposure. There's lantern-jawed Major Victory, who mugs for the camera to deliver his motto: "Be a winner, not a weiner." There's Lamuria, voted onto the show by Sci-Fi.Com readers seemingly for her ability to fill out a gold lamé catsuit. Monkey Woman climbs trees and screeches like a simian, while holding all the hopes and dreams of her native Seattle (go, Monkey Woman!). The Iron Enforcer is a Vin Diesel wannabe overcompensating with a giant prop gun strapped to his arm. And let us not forget Fat Mama, harnessing the force of a coronary attack for truth and justice.

The show kicks off in high camp, rendering each contestant in comic-book style and challenging the viewers to take things seriously. And then the flatscreens turn on and Stan Lee rebukes everyone for smiling, having fun, and socializing with each other, sternly informing them that superheroes don't act that way. Which isn't at all the impression I got from Marvel's Avengers or Fantastic Four comics, but Lee's getting on in years so we'll cut him some slack. His role seems to be to get the players to take this farce seriously as he "tests" them in various ways to see who's got the right superhero stuff. The challenges are meant to test their character-- honesty, integrity, compassion, and so forth. Right off the bat, one contestant is eliminated for having his words twisted by leading questions into seeming like he's only there for the money. Which is patently absurd, because EVERYONE is there for the money-- if not directly, then from other opportunities the national exposure might provide.

I'm down with reality competition shows. I love me the Survivor, Amazing Race, Big Brother, Hell's Kitchen, Top Chef, and Treasure Hunters. But the truth is, Who Wants to Be a Superhero may well be the guiltiest pleasure of them all. The whole concept is absurd, made all the more so by the tone of dire importance lent to it by doddering codger Lee and the eagerness with which the contestants pledge to make him proud. Honestly, it's an hour of laughs-- and in the world of summer television, that's a superheroic feat of its own.