Static Zombie

If You Build It, They Will Pay $17.50

My parents are in town for a visit. I'm planning a remodel of my bathrooms and kitchen, and my mom likes looking at houses, so we decided to go to this year's Street of Dreams. That's where a bunch of builders, landscapers, designers and decorators get together to assemble monstrously extravagant homes and then invite everyone who can't afford them to pay a hefty entry fee for the privilege of salivating over comforts they'll never have.

So what are the trends in multi-million dollar homes? Mammoth refrigerators that blend into the cabinetry. Media rooms. Flat-screen televisions in kitchens and bathrooms. Multiple washer-dryers. And apparently once you own a lavish home you get invited to all sorts of parties, because all the homes had dedicated gift-wrapping stations.

But by far the most promising trend I noticed is the emerging popularity of secret doors and passageways. Two of the homes came equipped with hidden chambers beyond swinging bookcases. One such bookcase even opened up onto a spiral staircase leading down to what they billed as-- I kid you not-- a "Man Cave". Presumably they're marketing to the burgeoning population of wealthy bats who, traumatized by the death of their parents, dress up as men by day and earn millions trading oil futures. Seriously, if you're going to install a Man Cave in your home, why mess with a spiral staircase? Clearly a man-pole is called for. And there was no bust of Shakespeare to be seen.