Static Zombie

Holy Disaster

TiVo recorded the 1997 Batman & Robin film, and since I hadn't seen it, I figured I'd give it a look.

Oh. My. God.

There was nothing-- and I mean nothing-- redeemable in this film. It went to hell in a handbasket right out of the gate with the flashy-blinky Batmobile and poorly-scripted video call from Commissioner Gordon (looking and sounding far more like TV's Chief O'Hara). Then... Mr. Freeze. Where to begin? They got the character all wrong. For the right way to do Mr. Freeze, look no further than the Batman animated series. Freeze should be cold and detached in his anguished, single-minded pursuit of a cure for his wife. He should not chew the scenery. He should not toss off one-liners. He should not have a coterie of minions recruited from the Mighty Ducks bench. He should not be enraptured by The Year Without A Santa Claus and force everyone to sing the Heat Miser song. He should not suffer the attentions of a scantily-clad babe whose presence among the underlings makes no apparent sense.

And then... Robin crashes into the museum on his motorcycle, leaving a hole in the wall the perfect shape of the bat signal! He then not only clings to a rocket streaking skyward under absurd G-forces, but climbs it and pulls himself inside. When Freeze blows the hatch on the rocket, the compartment does not decompress. Don't even get me started on the whole "surfing the hatch doors without a parachute" escapade in which the laws of physics are completely suspended.

And I haven't even gotten to Bane, Poison Ivy, Batgirl, and the ludicrous art direction and set design.

George Clooney once joked about killing the franchise, but that burden falls on writer Akiva Goldsman and director Joel Schumacher. This would have made a spectacular starring vehicle for Adam West.

Posted by Peter at August 10, 2004 03:23 PM