Burger Prince


In the wake of Supersize Me-- and for the thirty years prior-- it's been trendy to bash fast food. And such an easy target. The industry as a whole earned major karma points in my eyes with the creation of the Oreo Blizzard (nee McFlurry), one of the single greatest inventions of the twentieth century. But it's hard to work yourself out of the karmic debt built up by the McRib, McLean Deluxe, McDLT (the hot stays hot, the cool stays cool, and the styrofoam container stays forever), any form of chalupa, and-- may the Lord have mercy on their souls-- "Herb".

So when a positive fast food experience wanders by, it's only fair to stand up straight and salute. And so I present to you Burger King's Spicy TenderCrisp chicken sandwich, a study in juxtaposition and delivery on promises. TenderCrisp. The name itself promises much: not merely tenderness and crispiness together-- against all the laws of nature-- in one sandwich, but in sufficiently notable quality as to warrant the coinage of a completely new word. And "spicy"? Really, who are they kidding? Wendy's Spicy Chicken Sandwich registers a .04 on the Scoville scale on its best day-- I was skeptical that Burger King could do better.

I was wrong.

The TenderCrisp was-- hands down-- the crispiest chicken sandwich I have ever had. Fried to golden perfection, each bite yielded a satisfying crunch. And beneath that crackling exterior-- did my mouth deceive me?-- lo, a juicy breast of chicken yielding ever so gently to the tongue with an overall consistency that could only be described as ... tender.

But surely, you cry, the tepid seasonings would give the lie to the sandwich's moniker! The same thought flashed through my mind, gentle reader. And yet here too was my cynicism dashed against the mighty promontory that is the Spicy TenderCrisp jutting into a writhing sea of mediocre fast food. While the sauce did not inflame my taste buds and leave me panting for relief, it nevertheless bore a delightfully spicy tang that had me regretting the lack of a beverage at hand.

Add a hearty slice of tomato, a fresh leaf of lettuce, and a sturdy bun up to the challenge of containing such a bold sandwich offering and this, my friends, is the Real Deal. Yea, the Spicy TenderCrisp is verily spicy, tender, and crisp-- a triumph of the fast food arts the likes of which comes along but rarely in one lifetime, and which should not be overlooked upon its arrival.


It is my sincere hope that you dedicate as much heartfelt descriptive fervor to the post that you will be compelled to make as that sammich comes rocketing out the other end in the next day or so. :)

Peter, your site is a glorious celebration our culture. Yet, I find this one of more disturbing passages you have written.

Could this be a parody? Perhaps the Burger King has gotten to you somehow.

Granted, Cup O' Noodles is a gourmet meal to me these days, but I still wonder if said product placement is earning you free web hosting or evidence suppression.

Dude...it's a Sandwich.

I typed the name of this sandwhich into my Yahoo! browser hoping someone else felt the same way! That is good ass sandwhich, its the only reason I go to burger king

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