For the past couple of weeks I've been keeping very late hours at the computer. While this isn't in itself unusual, the reason why is. I've been foregoing my usual recreational activities to create a game show for a 250+ person gathering I'm attending this month. I'm not getting paid to do so. In fact, I volunteered the offer on my own accord a year ago. I'm just not sure why.
Last year I ran a massively multiplayer Family Feud game that went very well. I wrote custom software for that, which took some time but really not too much. Emboldened, I upped the ante for myself this year by creating an entirely new game show format-- which required new software. And instead of writing in languages I already knew like Javascript or C, I decided to use this as an opportunity to learn Flash.
The result has been 2-3 weeks of intensive labor and an application that's a mish-mash of coding styles reflecting the evolution of my Flash knowledge. Round 1 of the game, for example, makes extensive use of the Flash timeline. By round 3 I'd chucked that approach in favor of a completely script-driven state machine. It's embarrassingly bad code, as most learning exercises are. But the game looks promising. It even has some visual sizzle, despite my lack of mad graphic design skillz, and I'm hopeful that it will go over well.
I'm just not sure why I signed on for it. The idea was that once I'd written the app, I could run the game again with new content in future years, or at other venues. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. I'm just waxing a bit philosophical about why idiots like me are willing to put so much work into something that's not only "just for fun," but in this case will only last under an hour. Let's call it 50 hours of labor to create a one-hour experience. Why bother?
I can posit some answers. The egoboo. The satisfaction in a job well-done, and in giving enjoyment to others. The attention of a crowd. The opportunity to scream, "Look how clever and creative I am!" through my work. The chance to create in a genre for which I've had a life-long passion. The fantasy that I might make a living at this kind of thing again some day. Any, or all, or none of these things.
Today, dog-tired, guzzing sugar and caffeine to avoid falling asleep in the office after the latest wee-hour binge, the question looms larger than the answers. In a couple of weeks, with the event a ringing success and behind me, perhaps I'll see more clearly.
And post lucid blog entries.
Posted by Peter at April 6, 2004 5:26 PM